Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
