I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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