if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Randomize
