This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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