This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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