i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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