I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
COCAINE IS GR8
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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