is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
