thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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