she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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