Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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