finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
