it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Randomize
