I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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