Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
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