Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
