Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
