HIV tests are more positive than that guy
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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