people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Randomize
