so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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