Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
