Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
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