Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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