He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
