You're a womanizer and a bitch.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
