on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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