You smell like a Billy Joel song
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
