Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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