Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
