STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
