I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
