Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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