its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
