It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
