i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
I did not marry a roomba.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
