I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize