i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
