we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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