I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
