my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
