grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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