P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
A bitchslap is in order.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
