I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Randomize
