she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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