I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
