she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
