Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
