everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
