ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
