He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
nutella sex= disaster
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
