dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
