I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
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