She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
