I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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