haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
