how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
My Sexting was not on an AP level
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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