Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
