Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
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