Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize