Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
