a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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