Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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