my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
