better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
