can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
