Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
