you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize