I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
