Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
