jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
you never un-have a 4some
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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