sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
