the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
