she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
